A common struggle of parenthood is unruly children. You read the books, listen to so-called experts on podcasts and YouTube channels, talk to other mothers about how their children are so well behaved. Yet it feels that despite all of your effort and best intentions, you just can’t get in control. 

 

Tantrums, aggression, disobedience, screaming, shouting are just some of the behaviours you face as an exasperated parent. Then there’s the embarrassment when it happens in public and you feel that everyone is staring at you, judging you for not being able to keep your child under control.

 

And if you think there’s no hope, that you’ve tried everything, and you’re doomed to repeat this until your child grows out of it, I have good news: you’re in the right place.

 

How I can help you

 

Like you, I’m a mother. I have five children, two of whom have special needs. I’m also a qualified cognitive behavioural therapist with many years’ experience working with challenging behaviours. Over that time, I have helped families experiencing everything from mild to severe behavioural challenges, and in many cases, it’s rooted in a form of undetected childhood anxiety.

 

Anxiety and behavioural issues are separate, but very closely connected. The anxiety creates avoidance behaviours, which see children labelled as “highly sensitive” or “stubborn.”

 

Parents want the best for their children, but this is often done by trying to ease the situation, making accommodations for their child’s anxieties in the hope it will help them, or they permit them to avoid a situation so they don’t experience emotional discomfort. Unfortunately, these decisions make the problem worse.

 

Aside from not facing the problem head-on, children pick up on their parents accommodating their desires, and use this to support their avoidance behaviours. This creates a vicious cycle, where avoidance leads to more avoidance, leading to the continual pushing of parental boundaries through negative behavioural patterns such as tantrums, aggression or being clingy. In response, the parents, trying to help their child, do what they can to ease the fears - further fuelling the cycle.